Day 0: The beginning...

I must say the task at hand is rather difficult… The hardest step is putting myself out there and actually finishing my profile. Argh… so many questions… I’m not sure if it’s only me, but even the simplest questions seem pre-meditated to test and place judgment on me. For instance, hair color… uhmmm… hair color now or maybe last month? Eye color during the weekday or weekend?? Yes, I wear colored contacts on occasion. Am I average or curvy?? I must admit my self-image is somewhat distorted at times. I most definitely did not hit the “high metabolism Asian genetic lottery”. Fat, I am not; however, pretty darn meaty in Asian terms. I am almost a giant to some people as well. Being 5 foot 6 inches is common; however, after wearing 4.5” stilettos… Yup, you get the point. I am completely open to dating people of any race and ethnicity, but thus in my life have only been limited to a few. Much has to do with the fact of me loving heels… I tower over about 95% of Asian boys. Geez, is it too much to ask for a 6-foot hottie who could throw me around a little? Crapolees!!! Now writing this blog, the words are pummeling out faster than spilled coffee on a keyboard, but profile??? F-me… I’m stuck. Complete writer’s block…

I suppose I should rant a bit about my seemingly dysfunction view on dating, since this is “The rants of a Psychotic Chinese Girl”… (Drum roll please….)

Second grade, first encounter with the male species, ended tragically, detention and a firm scolding from my excruciatingly traditional Chinese parents. Boy, who stands behind me the lunch line, alphabetical order, pinches my ass. I, in return punch him in the face, thus leading to detention. For the remainder of the year, I pawned my snack pak to the boy who stands in front of me in line to allow me to cut in front of him every single day. Good thing this was in the spring, because I really enjoy chocolate pudding.

Fourth grade, second encounter, but first real childhood crush on a boy, ended tragically, detention and a firm scolding from the rents. Let’s see if you can recognize a pattern. Since, I have already proclaimed to be only a so-so writer, I have included a so-so drawing in order to provide my many readers with a clear mental picture. Okay, I know it is an utterly horrible drawing, but that’s not the point. My homeroom friend dared me to declare my undying love to my crush at recess, and being the type of girl to never ever turn down a “triple dare with a cherry on top”, I whole-heartedly agreed. Growing up the mid west, I am spoiled as to having vast open fields, rolling hills with green grass and lots of nature as a backyard. Our school sat on top of such beautiful scenery; however, on this particular day, green hills were more a curse than a gift from Mother Nature. As the recess bell chimed, my innocent heart fluttered as I ran through the playground in search of my crush, only to find him in deep conversation with a friend. I swept my hand through my hair calming the mess as much as possible, and then took a deep breath before waving him over to me. Eyes upon the floor, nervously kicking at the floor with my shoe, I sputtered, “I like you.” As soon as those words escaped my mouth, I could feel his body tensing, and before I could react, I was tumbling down the hill. I could still hear the gentle remnants of “Ewwwwwww….” while rolling… A-hole boy had pushed me down the hill. Fuming with anger, and mostly embarrassment, I stomped back up the hill to give him a piece of my mind… Resulting in me rolling down the same hill again. Geez, I can take a hint! Most definitely I was not going to let this happen a third time. Stomping back up once again, with a snake like reflexes, I punched him in his still laughing mouth and pushed him down the hill… Watching a-hole boy roll was a very satisfying moment in my young life. Poetic justice. Until, detention and a firm scolding.

All in all in my short little life thus far, I’ve learned boys pinch you on the butt and push you down hills while laughing…. Not a very healthy start I suppose… Now, there are third, fourth, fifth, and a millionth encounters, but we’ll leave that for another day… Really need to finish this profile… ugh!

Have a good day all! Until next time…